I’m currently 4 glasses deep in my Barefoot wine collection & I feel like being honest.
It’s the worst, isn’t it? Having such a big heart. Constantly being vulnerable. Always caring too much.
You know the show ‘Fixer Upper’? Well, if my love life was a TV show, it would be named ‘Fixer Upper’. I always mess with the wrong people because I want to fix them. I want to turn the bad guy into a good guy. I want to take the guy out of a bad relationship and bring them into the best relationship they’ve ever been in. I want to turn a fling into a love that will last a lifetime.
It’s a form of self-mutilation really.
The best analogy I can make is a sick person and their care taker. If your child or friend is sick you want to make sure you care for them the best you can. You give them the upmost treatment. You give them your extra time, the extra effort. You go above and beyond because that’s what they need. If you did this to a person under normal circumstances, they would think you were weird. They may even ask, “what do you want?” just like our parents do when we’re acting extra nice. This is why some of us go for the people we do; the healthy people, the normal people, they can’t handle the love we have to offer. They can’t accept the amount of care we put out.
At least that’s what we believe.
But, those people hurt us. Our love scares them off. They don’t understand why we care so much. They don’t understand our hearts. If you’ve ever been put last by a boy like this you have to realize this boy put you last because he didn’t feel good about himself and felt like he didn’t have any control. The only thing he could control in his life was the way he treated people. Misery loves company and he saw a beautiful, loving, intelligent, and compassionate girl and he had to put you down because he couldn’t see those qualities in himself. He was afraid that you would see him for the person he was and you would find better. You have a big heart and you deserve someone who sees you and strives to be a better person because they can be that person with you by their side.
You make others want to be kind and want to spread love. It’s perfectly okay to love yourself and protect your heart until you find someone who sees you for the amazing person you are. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve or change because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Someday someone will love every inch of you-your big heart, the wrinkles under your eyes, the scars on your body, all the things you don’t love about yourself. Someday someone won’t be afraid of how much you love. As hard as it may seem to imagine, especially when we’re so focused on our earthly relationships, just remember that God does love you unconditionally. Don’t give up on hope in love and have faith in God.
Currently, I’m single as a pringle. And, surprisingly, that is by choice. Because, I’m waiting for my ‘someone’ and your ‘someone’ is out there too.